i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
