woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
