This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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