Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
