If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
