I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
