I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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