if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Randomize