i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
