textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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