WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
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Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
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At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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