I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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