awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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