I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
