No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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