Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
