I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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