You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
