we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
worst night to have a conscience
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
