update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
