dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
