Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
