Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
