i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
