I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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