why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
