Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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