And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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