Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
