in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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