Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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