I hate your face
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
