she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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