I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
