this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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