at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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