you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
