My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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