The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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