just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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