I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
