READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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