did you get engaged???
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
