Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
