Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
