DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
