so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
