my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
