thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
