The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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