At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Randomize