I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
