Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
