i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
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If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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