I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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