Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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