So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
