I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
