we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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