you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
