hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
