My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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