his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
