i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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