Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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