So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize