I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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