Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
