I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I want to walk on stilts...naked
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
