He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
